We were born for something more than any of us are capable of comprehending. We were born needing love, needing nurture, and needing a mommy. This predestination shapes us all from the moment of conception. We spend 9 months inside our mothers womb growing, being cared for, and being nurtured. From that point on, there are two things that can and may stay consistent to some of us until death: 1. We are all built to be in relationship and 2. We are dependent on someone else from the time we are conceived.
When is the point of independence? Is independence even achievable, or is it just a shift in who we are dependent on? Our relationships are living proof of both of these things. As humans we get into abusive, co-dependent relationships just so we don’t have to be alone. We surround ourselves with people that we can barely stand for the same reason. So the question is—When did being alone become so bad?
I have lived my entire life searching for relationship. Longing for someone to love me for me at my lowest low. I have longed for someone I can be unapologetically and unworriedly vulnerable with. Does that person exist? That is where God steps in. He wants to be in constant relationship with us.
That sounds good and all, but what does that even look like? The world has made God into more of a mystical creature than an omnipresent, omnipotent being. We have such a hard time comprehending the fact that God is at the very base, love, and that he just wants to spend time with us.
We all have our different reasons, but I think it is both extremely comforting and absolutely terrifying to each of us. that God loves us. I sometimes feel incapable of being loved. My insecurities eat away at me until there is nothing left but a scared little boy.
The bible tells us that in our weakness He is made strong. That concept blows my mind. God loves me enough to walk me through my lowest lows and through my darkest hours. He waits our whole lives for the one moment we decide that we can’t do life without Him, and then makes it aware to us that he has not only loved us the whole time, but has been fighting for us too.
The concept that God is with me all the time is difficult for me to comprehend. I don’t know if I want God with me all the time. I know that sounds bad, but the thought of God being in the corner while I am changing my underwear kind of freaks me out. I know he created me, every part of me, but the thought still weirds me out for some reason. Why does the thought of constant relationship scare me? Why does venerability scare me, when I know that is what I want more than anything?
As humans, we run from God because the thought of being bound by rules and regulations is no fun. I for one am glad that relationship with Jesus doesn’t have anything to do with rules and regulations. I have never been good with authority.